& this is for him . . .

kurrently playinq : bust your windows - j. sullivan



kant believe i even let it qet to this point ; even after everythinq
i still have feelinqs for you . . . somethinqs just not riqht . it amazes
me how someone who klaims their real & supposinqly "qrown" could
do somethinq so immature & then it amazes me even more how im
not even mad at you . if anythinq i actually miss you . . haha wow
shits def. not suppose to be this way ; its been almost 2 months since
ive heard from you & my feelinqs are still the same - smh . left
speechless at the moment . this is my apoloqy !

theory

"We love Him because He first loved us."
1 John 4:9-10


this is my theory ; aqree or not .
i believe this world that we live in is hell - let me explain .
people dyinq , children starvinq , women beinq raped
someone takinq another beinqs life , this couldnt be it .
i am not aqainst the bible ; but im not fully for it !
someone told me that makes me the devil but there is
far more evil out in this world than me .

somethinq real .

kurrently playinq ;
every qirl - lil wayne ft. drake


lets be honestttt .
someone told me today. . kouqh kouqh [ sharonda ] that
im not ah one quy type of person & to be honest i dont
think i am . it sounds wronq but then aqain anythinq
is possible . i already promised myself if i found that
one i could actually be REAL with then i would kut
everyone off in ah new york minute ; but its not my fault
i havnt found that person yet . im not qonna qo in ah
relationship with someone so it can last all of 2 weeks
& its over - frickinq waste of time . if i can be real with
that person ; faithful loyal & true then i dont see why not . .
but until then - its whatever & you can believe what you want

textually active much ?

textually active much ?

- - - - - - - -

so ive come to the point ; where i cant ever put my

phone down . if its not in my hand & you can trust

& believe its on my hip [ this my riqht hand bitchh ]

its so cliche - but my phone is my life .

second .

all i do is . . .

eat . shit . & think about success

so much stress on my mind ; i just wanna qive up .
people say im cold hearted why ? because i only

look out for myself & my needs . i really have only

myself to depend on - if i dont do it who will ? seriously

despite my insecurities of myself i dont care what people

think about me . . . what they say on the other hand is what

hurts me the most . funny its the people who know you the

most are the ones quick to judqe . soo SCREW it -

i cant live up to your expectations

me myself & i aqainst the world . . .

POWWW !

eat your heart out ; stud .

type random ; but i like the pic =] hmmm dunno bout

today but im in ah qood ass mood hyped as hell for no reason .

lol & i love my bestie addy - her krazy ass !

psychotic until proved quilty .

sometimes you have to let go of the one you love to

find out if there is really something there .

my 18th

happy birthday to me

- - - - - - - - - - -

im leqal eiqhteen .

so im finally leqal ; pretty much all i can do now is qo

to jail & vote - hehe - but idk i woke up this morninq thinkinq

i would feel different but it was the same as any morninq .

doesnt really even feel like im 18 quess it will take some time

haha - im no lonqer jail bait ! note that 9:26 am .

but blahh its whatever . . .

" my anqel "

never be sad for whats over ; just
be qlad that it was once yours !- - - - - - - - - -
kurrently playinq : my anqel - bobby valentino


took me ah while to come to this point . never did i
think i could feel alone as much as i do riqht now ; in my
past bloq i have wrote about how i am ah human beinq .
one of the flaws of beinq human is the choice of hurtinq
people & also qettinq hurt . never in ah million years would
i think i would say this - but im not mad at my xs wether
they lied - cheated ; even hurt me in the worse way . i forqive
them because i know now that i had took part in it . ive hurt
people in the past just as bad & i hope that one day they will
forqive me as i did . they always say karma is ah bitch & i quess
that now that i want the " real thinq " i keep havinq my set backs .
this lil thinq kalled love is ah mother fucker - but anyone whoever
qets to feel it should embrace it as lonq as they can . i miqht not
feel love now ; but if & when i do ill cherish it forever .

first .

kurrently playing :

quest - losinq my mind .

" ah wise qirl kisses but doesnt love ; listens

but doesnt believe & leaves before she is left "

- marylin monroe .

first ; ill try provinq to myself that i am ah person then

ill try convincinq the rest of the world . . .

- - - - - - - -

i cry when thinqs are sad ; lauqh when thinqs brinq

me joy . i feel fear when im in the dark - i feel alone

when no one is near . i bleed when i am cut ; i feel

pain when i am hurt . i have feelinqs that can be hurt

ah heart that can be broken . this doesnt show that im

ah bad person ; just shows that i am human !

quick qoute -

the day i qive up is the
day ; it will be thee end of me !

have i matured or have i qrown ?

hmmm ; so my birthday is in 5 days !
kurrently playinq : i wanna love you - donell jones

& i must say im souped to be turninq 18 but i still have
alot of qrowinq up to do . it amuses me when people turn 18
that they think they're qrown now but beinq qrown is more of
ah mental trait . do i think im qrown ? not at all . i mean i have my
moments when i can be mature but then aqain im only 17 no need
to take anythinq to serious & iqnorance is not an excuse !


- - - - - - - - - - -

when the world throws me lemons ; i make
beef stew - andy


im not afraid of what the world miqht throw at me im
more afraid of what chances & what decisions i make of the world .
no one is perfect & believe im far from it . . . i make mistakes to
learn from it just like any other challenqe . i live to succeed & i succeed
to live ; when will i qive up ? not even on my dyinq day .

i just wanna be . . .

i just wanna be successful . . . .

no one really knows the key to success ; other then what

they believe from their own perspective . to be successful

is to be happy with what your achievinq .

Yesterday is a canceled check: forget it . tomorrow

is a promissory note: don't count on it . today is ready cash: Use it !
- Edwin C. Bliss

happy mothers day

i kno im late ; but this is for my mother .

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

me & her have been thru alot ; there are times
when i can say i hate her & then there are times
when shes the only person i can run to . but i
quess thats what motherhood is & i qrew up to
realize that every choice she made for me is ah
choice she believed was riqht for me & for that
i am thankful . . . to have someone to care .
so mom this is for you . HAPPY MOTHERS DAY !
and hope yall your dreams & wishes come true
you deserve it .

the question of the day

whats qood for toniqht ?

- - - - - -- - - - - - - - - -

lol i swear ; the next person who asks me that im qonna scream !

but then aqain - its friday & junior prom so there should be partiesss .

uqhh my body is in so much pain . it was pretty nice out lastniqht after

the thunderstorm ofcourse ; but i decided to take ah run thru the complex

BIG MISTAKE !! but qotta keep the body fit =]

pics of me & my twin [ his 19th ] birthday <3>

random

i wanna take ah ride on your disco stick !

- lol lady qa qa is wayyy to much for me

& i absolutely love it !

kurrently playinq :

love qame - lady qa qa ft. LMAO

- - - - - - - - - -

so nothinq out of the ordinary ; today is just ah uqhh day .

raininq all niqht so its muqqy out - hate that feelinq ; but its

whatever . quess you have to have the rainy days to appreciate

it when we have the sunny ones . just wish it would hurry up <3

hmmm ; upcominq events .

may 19 - my 18th birthday ! souped

may 22 - janaes birthday

june 5 - senior prom 09

june 6 - 8 : wildwood with thee qirlss

june 19 - qraduation

inspririnq -

qoute of the day .

kurrently playing : desire want need - biq sean

there are two ways of spreadinq liqhts ;

to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it

“You can never cross the ocean unless you have

the courage to lose sight of the shore.”

- christopher columbus

im willinq to qive up my past ; & stay focused on my present

& future . im ready to commit & prove the world wronq . . .

to show everyone im not the qirl they thouqht they knew

but rather the qirl - you never took time to understand !

in pursuit for hapiness pt. 2

the qood ; the bad & the ugly .


to be happy is to be true ; to be true is to
be true to myself - simply no cover ups .


im selfish ; kold hearted stubborn spiteful impatient & filled with
many insecurities . i believe the world only revolves around me myself
& i . its very rare if i show any type of affection - ive done the heart breakinq
thinq cheatinq was ah priority . im easily bored by people simply ah
lack of interest . even to the ones i care about the most i can be
untrustworthy ; this is me - my reality . i want to chanqe for the
better ! im not this way because i choose to be but rather because
this is what the bitch of the world made of me .

twitter me . . .

ive qrown pretty fond of this ;

lol on ah daily basis .

twitter/kolormebadd .

we have to do better

kurrently playing : name on a cloud - wiz khalifa

how many more people do we need to die from stds/aids

to know that we have to do better ? people wearing face masks

to prevent qettinq the flu but cant wear a condom to prevent the

spread of aids ; which just so happens to be the number one

killer throuqhout the country . smh - people make me lauqh .

it has come to the point where its not even tryinq to do better

its ah must .

im the champ !

whats the purpose of defeat ?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

is it to prove im better ; other then my own state of mind .
or is it to feel respected ? as if im not already . . .
to put someone down so i can feel better of ah person
" fittinq in " with the so called in crowd when i
rather just stick out ! defeat is never the less ; nothinq
more then ah word to soup someones eqo . no one is
ever really defeated unless qivinq up is the act taken upon .
& sense im still standinq and have not qiven up
IM THE CHAMP ; undefeated !