blahhh ; havnt really been feelinq myself lately . ive made some decisions recently & all thouqh i dont aqree w/ it at the time beinq i know i did it for ah qood reason , just wish i didnt feel like shit about it .
" i shut my eyes in order to see " - paul qauquin
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it just hit me today that christmas is riqht around the corner . usually im pretty excited countinq down the days but this year , not really lookinq forward to it . this year , somethinqs not quite there - feel like somethinq is missinq . christmas is about family & love & cherishinq moments but lately family love , & those precious moments has chanqed . im really hopinq this is just ah phase that will blow over in time <|3 .
" to be trusted , is ah qreater compliment than beinq loved . " - qeorqe mac donald
trust is so hard to earn , & even harder to keep . once its qone its qone forever - for the amount of trust you had for one another will never be the same .
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i opened up to someone of the opposite sex for the first & last time - thas ah promise . openinq up to someone is just as much as takinq ah chance . ah chance i took just so it could back fire in my face . it hurts , ALOT to know someone you trust & cared so much about could turn on you without even qivinq ah reason not even such as an explanation other then " i just had ah feelinq . " in the past i would of took this as ah fuck the world moment , but i refuse to take somethinq out on everybody for one person's doinq . i admit : im not the easiest person to be with , not only for my flaws & insecurities but because of the way i come off . beinq ah " bitch " isnt somethinq i would want to be considered as but what can i say if it fits ? i wont be the hypocrite to say i have chanqed or i qrew up but rather be the realest to say i have proqressed . i will consider this as another " fucked up " moment in my life & just like any other time , keep it movinq & learn from it .
